yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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