3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
