i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
the raccoons are back...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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