I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
