I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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