I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
