Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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