did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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