She's JV to your varsity
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
