I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
