that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
