I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Let's get the cat blown out
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
