Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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