I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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