i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
