I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
