definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
How's work?
Spinning.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
