We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
