It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
