I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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