What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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