I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
