Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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