Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
May the power of my ass compel you!!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
