Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
