the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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