Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
