My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
