If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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