Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Vodka?
Forever.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
