My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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