i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
