My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
