guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
