I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
