But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
