I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Someone shit on the floor
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
