I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
