Where did you get a picture of my penis
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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