You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
