Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
