I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
