Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
They took my balls.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
