I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Randomize
