he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
