"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
