I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
If I had your ass I would rule the world
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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