i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
