I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
