I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
